Dear Robert Rodriguez: We’re begging you here… Please stop. If going all third dimensional on us with Spy Kids 3D: Game Over wasn't enough, now we’re being forced to accept Jessica Alba as the world’s least convincing step mother/spy in disguise and Ricky Gervais as a kung-fu fighting robotic/cybernetic/whatever dog. What have we done to deserve this? If you feel you can take it, check out the trailer for Spy Kids: All the Time in the World below.
Yes, after taking some time to get back into films for grown-ups (well, as close as he gets), Rodriguez is now firmly back in cartoony kiddie territory. And while we liked a lot about the first two **Kids **pics in particular, the law of diminishing returns really does seem to be hitting hard here. All the Time in the World apparently swings around a mysterious jewel that can stop time and gives those who possess it great power. Alba’s Marissa Cortez Wilson has had it in her family for years, so what does she do? Gives it to her utterly annoying, bratty stepdaughter Rebecca (Rowan Blanchard), apparently as a means of reaching out. When what she and her equally insufferable brother Cecil (Mason Cook) apparently need is a good kick up the pants.
Suffice to say, the jewel ends up in the hands of the evil Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven in a ratty wig and silly goggles, having clearly been told to just go nuts with the role), who plans to end the world. Even though he’s… part of the world? Yup, it’s one of those villains.
Cue Rebecca and Cecil getting recruited to become Spy Kids and original OSS members Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni (Daryl Sabara) – who look more like Spy Twentysomethings these days – showing up to help Alba and co solve both the criminal issue and their family problems. You may already know it turns out, but the trailer helpfully clears up any lingering doubts.
This does not make us want to see the film. How about you?
If you’re still around afterwards, the movie arrives on August 19.