No, no, no. This can’t be happening. A director can’t make a movie as bad as Norbit – comfortably the worst of this year; a movie so bad it may actually be Cuba Gooding Jr’s career low - and then not only continue in gainful employment, but actually reteam with its star, one Eddie Murphy. Twice.
Yet that’s exactly what’s happened to Brian Robbins – who actually gave himself a run for his money by also producing Wild Hogs. Starship Dave, his second collaboration with Murphy – in which the once-great comedian plays a human spaceship piloted by tiny aliens – is complete, in the can and will be unleashed next year.
To be fair, that one has some potential, and was greenlit before Norbit was released. But DreamWorks has no excuse for okaying Robbins’ third teaming with Murphy. After all, Norbit is now readily available on Blu-Ray, HD-DVD, cable, YouTube, and all that jazz. Surely someone there saw it and went, ‘uh, guys, this is really, really bad – perhaps we shouldn’t…?’
But then again, it inexplicably made $95 million at the US box office, and that’s the only fact studio heads need to know when greenlighting movies, said Empire, shaking its head in a sad but cynical fashion. It used to be all fields round here, too.
And so today, it was announced – at a special press conference hosted by Death, War, Pestilence and Famine – that the duo are set to reteam on a movie called A Thousand Words.
Now, let’s be fair: the premise of this one doesn’t seem as lame, or potentially racist/misogynist/shittest as Norbit. But then again, there are neo-Nazi rallies that aren’t as racist or as misogynist or as lame as Norbit.
Anyway, in this one, Murphy will play a man who discovers that he has only a thousand words to speak before he dies. Actually, that’s not an entirely terrible premise, and it’s another high concept comedy from Steve Koren, who wrote Click. In fact, it’s pretty much Click 2. Or Liar Liar 3, in that we can see the potential for 80 minutes of ‘comedy’, as Murphy starts initially speaking with gay abandon, then decides that he has to use his words economically, before hitting us with a flood of horrendous sentiment in the last 20 minutes, as Murphy faces up to death with a smile on his face and tears in his (please nominate me, please) eyes.
Interestingly, Nicolas Cage is co-producing for DreamWorks, along with three other people who aren’t as famous. And hopefully they can ensure that this doesn’t turn out to be Norbit part 2. Their first task should be making sure that Murphy rediscovers his funny mojo – it’s been missing since 1999’s Bowfinger – and that he plays only one character this time around. Please, Eddie, no more ‘hilarious’ Chinese stereotypes and this one might just have a chance.