Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Review

Remember the ‘olden days’ backstory of the first Underworld?  It explained how vampires and werewolves came to be at each others’ throats, while leather-trews lycanthrope Lucian (Michael Sheen) and disapproving nosferatu Viktor (Billy Nighy) began a centuries-spanning feud when the upstart hairy romanced the bloodsucker’s favourite daughter Sonja (Rhona Mitra).  If you do remember, then you’ll know how this needless threequel pans out; if you don’t, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to follow the tosh this passes off as a plot.  In former effects man Patrick Tatopoulos’ vision, these Dark Ages were really dark – so dark, in fact, you can barely see the monster action or register why Sheen and Nighy felt the need to sign up.  Sadly, you can still hear the unspeakable dialogue. Spoiler: Kate Beckinsale’s tight trousers cameo at the end.  Memo: avoid ‘rise of the’ titles.