Pop quiz for budding Hollywood execs: if the Cheaper By The Dozen movies together grossed $200 million-plus domestic, how much will Cheaper By The Dozen-Two-And-A-Half make? If you answered, “Enough so I won’t get fired,” have a pat on the back and a BMW.
Now disinter a mouldy 1968 Lucille Ball / Henry Fonda flick in which an anally retentive admiral with eight kids weds a ditzy designer with ten, recruit a couple of likeable midi-stars, a ‘cute’ pig and the requisite number of bickering brats, house them in an oversize des-res only Steve Jobs could afford and make sure the Navy guy slips on food a lot. Then spark a Cohiba and savour that special Hollywood magic as the numbers soar to an acceptable return on production and marketing costs...