A rare original number from Michael Bay’s horror-house Platinum Dunes, this moribund Seven clone at least features one of the most curious cast-lists ever to go straight to DVD. Together for the first time — Dennis Quaid, Zhang Ziyi, Peter Stormare and Patrick Fugit from Almost Famous! Evidently chopped and changed out of all logical shape, Quaid’s dishevelled detective blusters after a serial killer whose baffling MO is themed to the four riders of the Apocalypse.
Fancypants video-director Jonas Åkerlund strives to mount a handsome shot — and blood does look good against snow — but even he would surely admit the mish-mash of overwrought Emos, biblical portents and death-cult social networking is deathly dull.