It's easy to criticise Conan. Cheesy. Dated. And ever-so-slightly fascist (Conan is the ultimate Aryan: punishing the weak and defending the strong, while looking great in thigh-high boots). But while all that's true, for Arnie fans, the film still rocks.
There's Basil Poledouris' strong score. There's bone-crunching violence from vintage Arnie. And there's a script so bizarre it could only have come from Oliver Stone's 'whoa, man' phase. There's nudity (yet strangely for a movie made by two prominent Republicans, no bush). And, of course, there are midgets wrestling with pigs. And you can't say fairer than that.