Siamese Slapstick

Our suspicion is that it must be something in their genes. Firmly attached to the Y chromosomes of those less than subtle siblings, Peter and Bobby Farrelly, has got be a bad taste gene. How else do you explain their uncanny and unswerving dedication to creating the crassest, most cringe-making cinema of our time? After dutifully suffering through Dumb and Dumber, having our hopes raised by the ever-so-slightly promising There's Something About Mary only to be cruelly dashed by the execrable Me, Myself & Irene and the even worse Shallow Hal, Empire Online's support for genetic engineering research was already strong. Our call to isolate and nullify this criminal gene, however, became all the more clamorous when we heard the news of the Farrelly's latest project, a comedy about the adventures of conjoined twins called – wait for it - Stuck on You. Displaying their characteristic sense of decorum and judgement, the siamese story follows the exploits of a conjoined twosome when one twin decides to follow his dreams of making it in Hollywood and persuades his sibling to go along for the ride. Did you shudder at the very thought? We certainly did. The brothers who add new meaning to the term crudeness, have somehow managed to attract Matt Damon to the project and are inexplicably hoping to nab the not particularly identical Greg Kinnear as the other conjoined twin. Written ten years ago, the script surfaced again after the Farrelly's decided to delay their proposed Three Stooges flick to focus on the connected duo, but we're told that – in contrast to what you might possibly think - the film will not make sport of the handicapped. "These guys are winners, they are never victims," Peter Farrelly told Variety. "The key to all of our films is that they had heart and this is especially true in 'Stuck on You.' " The obligatory jizz jokes were nothing to do with it, then.