Regular readers of this site may know that we’ve been a little harsh on the forthcoming Cher/Christina Aguilera musical, Burlesque. We may have previously intimated that it might be the kind of movie that could boil the rivers away, darken the skies and set the Moon spinning wildly off its axis, killing millions.
But today, Kristen Bell joined the cast, and shook us to our very core. Forget what we thought we knew, for everything we thought we knew was wrong. After all, Kristen Bell is a) wonderful, b) a goddess, c) Veronica Mars and d) all of the above, and her presence in the movie means that we’re all kinds of confused.
The pixie-like Bell will sing and dance her little heart out as Nikki, the lead dancer at a burlesque nightclub run by Cher. When Aguilera shows up as a small-town girl with a heart of gold and the lungs of a traction engine, and starts hogging the spotlight, Nikki goes all El Pollo Loco and runs off the rails.
Ok, so that still doesn’t sound too promising, but we like Bell, despite her patchy record in movies so far, and are intrigued by the prospect of her turning up in a musical, so we’re going to give Burlesque a chance. After all, Stanley Tucci is in it, and he is awesome at everything he does. Aguilera is a wonderful singer, even if the jury is out on her acting prowess, and Cher, of course, is an Oscar-winning actress. And, of course, the movie will stand or fall depending on its tunes – if they’re belting, then it could be time for us to write, ‘We Were Wrong About Burlesque And We’re Very Sorry’ fifty times on the nearest blackboard.
Steven Antin is directing the movie, which starts filming on November 9.