Why God? Why?

What, we ask, has the public at large ever done to Steve Martin? I mean sure, we may have cast a stone or two when The Out-of-Towners came out but, by and large, we've never done anything to draw his ire. So why does he seem to hate us so? I mean, why else would he have volunteered to host next year's Oscars after causing audiences last year to beg for death as he butchered the 73rd Academy Awards. Clearly not one to learn from his mistakes, Martin has set out to take his revenge on humanity and, after watching Whoopi Goldberg demonstrate how it should be done, has decided to torture us once again. "I thought it was a good show. I really enjoyed it. I would like to do it again," he told IMDb. "The problem with doing it is when you accept in December to do it in March that's all you can think about, so you don't have a life." Martin's social calendar is likely to be the least of people's worries though as memories of his botched attempt to host the ceremony still cause sleepless nights. 'Welcome to the Oscars,' Martin began, 'or in my house as it's known - Passover.' So began a very long night of corny cracks as Martin did his best but failed to fill the shoes of Goldberg or Billy Crystal. Apparently - philanthropist that he is - Martin declined an offer to host this year's event but his goodwill seems to have run out and, if no one out there is willing to challenge his claim, it will be a very brave viewer who stays up to watch the ensuing massacre next March.