This week, in cinemas: Ben Stiller is so hot right now in Zoolander 2; Ryan Reynolds is so meta right now in Deadpool; and Lily James is so undead right now in Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.
Deadpool
★★★
What it’s about: After years in development hell, Marvel’s sweariest, bloodiest, fourth-wall-breakingest anti-superhero of them all finally makes it to the big screen. (And no, we’re not counting X-Men Origins: Wolverine.)
What we thought: “the sheer number of dick jokes will soon numb you to their impact.”
Zoolander 2
★★★
What it’s about: The really, really, ridiculously good-looking male models are back for another round of catwalk strutting, celebrity cameos, and bizarre criminal plots. This time, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are joined by Penelope Cruz from Interpol’s “Global Fashion Division” to investigate a new conspiracy. What is this? A brief plot summary for ants?
What we thought: “a likable mess.”
Concussion
★★
What it’s about: Did you watch the Super Bowl at the weekend? After that cocktail of all-Americanism, here’s something of a sober party-pooper. Based on the book of the same name, Will Smith plays real-life Dr Bennet Omalu, who exposes gridiron as a serious health risk.
What we thought: “desperately conventional.”
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
★★
What it’s about: Who among us has not read the great masterpieces of English literature and thought, “this could probably do with a bit more of the undead”? That’s the logic behind this gory period mash-up, which features a bevvy of hot young things in brogues and corsets having their brains eaten.
What we thought: “a misshapen venture, a horror-comedy without much in the way of laughs or scares.”
Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Road Chip
★★
What it’s about: For those without small children, you may not be aware that this is the fourth film in this franchise. Yes, the CGI may be terrible; yes, the voice modulation may grate like nails on chalkboard; yes, that title pun makes no sense. But these films have grossed over $1 billion. It’s never going to stop. This is the future of cinema.
What we thought: “a so-so sequel that barely improves on what came before. Our only hope is that at some point they'll have to hibernate.”