Here Comes The Pride

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a film company in possession of a literary classic must be in want of an English up and coming star. With that heavy duty in mind, Working Title has entered the most delicate of final negotiations with Miss Keira Knightley to play the role of Miss Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, that most charming and elegant of works from the pen of Miss Jane Austen. Working Title said of the Pirates of the Caribbean star, "She is quite young, wonderfully handsome, extremely agreeable, and, to crown the whole, she means to join our cast." Such revelries as might result from Miss Knightley's decision are devoutly to be wished, as there can be few other young ladies of the district with such poise, grace and star power, which makes them so particularly suited to the role of Elizabeth Bennet. The producers of this new adaptation of Miss Austen's most pleasant work were much disposed towards Mr Joe Wright, and were minded to give him the exalted position of director after watching his much sought-after television series Charles II and Nature Boy. Mr Wright, who has an income of several thousand pounds a year and a well-appointed estate in Derbyshire, has not previously directed a feature film, but has shewn himself willing and able to do so should the occasion present itself. The cast and crew look forward to beginning work on this project in the month of August, although Miss Knightley may find herself somewhat indisposed should Tulip Fever, a project in which she was previously engaged prior to the time when changes in the revenue laws forced it to cease operations, find itself once more in production. Tulip Fever has been rescheduled for the autumn, but it is by no means clear that its production would clash with Pride and Prejudice. The important role of Mr Darcy has not yet been cast, but it is certain that the producers will have to search for some time to find an actor so thoroughly agreeable and attentive as Mr Colin Firth, who is nowadays to be found playing another Mr Darcy in Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason. Note: Empire wishes to apologise to Jane Austen for mangling her prose, to Working Title for inventing the quote above and to Joe Wright for crediting him with an estate in Derbyshire, well appointed or not.