Goodness gracious, it's only the 2016 BAFTAs (full list of winners here). We've pulled out our best garments and polished our shiniest of shoes in preparation for this wonderfully British celebration of movieland's biggest and brightest.
If you can't wait for the BBC's coverage of the ceremony at 9pm tonight, Empire is the place to be. We'll be with you from the red carpet right through to the winner of Best Film - so naturally spoilers lie ahead. Just keeping hitting that refresh button for the latest from London's Royal Opera House.
Stephen Fry is your host for the 11th time, so expect much congratumalating, salutiffitations and jokes too racy for broadcast below.
So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado:
5:00pm
And we're off! Only right to start with a JOHN BOYEGA KLAXON! The Rising Star nominee is grinning his way down the red carpet as he signs autographs for lots of happy, Stormtrooper-loving fans.
5:08pm
Rising Star Bel Powley is a little bit excited. "I've been watching the BAFTAs my whole life, so it means a lot... I'm about to start shooting a movie with Elle Fanning about Mary Shelley, another female powerhouse... It's about the women rather than the men."
5:11pm
Alicia Vikander has arrived. "I'm just thrilled to be here... I thought [Alex Garland] had written one of the best scripts I had ever read."
And of course, Jason Bourne gets a mention: "I'm a huge fan of the previous films... It's been wonderful and we're just finishing up in London right now."
5:14pm
John Boyega takes time out from his adoring fans to have a little word on the red carpet. "I still have the separation between the Star Wars world and home... it's a healthy balance right now... I went to Waitrose this morning and bought a Belgian bun and no one bothered me!"
And as for Episode VIII? "I start tomorrow... Rian [Johnson, director] has my heart already."
5:21pm
Who is this 'John' everybody keeps shouting for? (Boyega is a strong contender for 2016's best dressed.)
5:31pm
Bryan Cranston has arrived, looking as debonair as ever. There's a lot of Walter White photos for him to sign. Naturally. Now we can't stop imagining Dalton Trumbo writing a Breaking Bad-esque caper.
5:34pm
On the red carpet scream-o-meter, Michael Fassbender is rivalling John Boyega, FYI. Watch this space for more screamy rivalry updates.
5:35pm
Saoirse is VERY COLD. "When I was about 16 I had read [Brooklyn]... It's obviously been one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had."
5:42pm
Cate Blanchett's dress. We repeat: Cate Blanchett's dress.
5:44pm
The Ruffaluffaluffalo is here. How will Spotlight fare tonight? Stick with us to find out.
5:45pm
How cold is Steve Jobs star Michael Fassbender on a scale of one to ten? "I've just come from Norway, so was really cold there!... It's just so rare to get writing like [Aaron Sorkin's]. [Danny Boyle is] a wonderful man, a master filmmaker and a real craftsman... He was instrumental in offering me the part and also filming in San Francisco which was such an important thing. He was wonderful."
And what of co-star Winslet? "Lots of fun! She's a class act. I love her. She's so much fun, she's brilliant... She's very generous and also just really a leader... Always making sure everyone's doing well and getting enough rest!"
"I hope people are excited [about Assassin's Creed]! It's a very special experience to be producing it as well... There's very little green screen which is very rare these days... I think it's going to be pretty unique."
5:48pm
Mr. Cranston is having a lovely time on the "chilly and lovely" red carpet. "Such warmth and embracing fans out here tonight... I just apprecitate the love, it's great to receive it!... Elle Fanning gave me these cufflinks... that's me in the bathtub [as in Trumbo]!"
5:50pm
Mark Ruffalo time, people. "What we're talking about is essentially life or death for a lot of people. It was so important that we got it right because at the end of the day I think there are a lot of people who would like to see [Spotlight] not do so well."
5:52pm
Spielberg alert! How is he feeling about his hefty amount of BAFTA nominations? "It's thrilling!... Here is a British writer [Matt Charman] who is telling an American director a piece of history that I knew nothing about."
"[Mark Rylance is] a force of nature as you all know! He's a beautiful person. He's going to be The BFG and he's incredible as the Big Friendly Giant.
5:56pm
Best Supporting Actress nominee also has lovely things to say about Steve Jobs co-star Michael Fassbender. "I feel really I'm here because of [Fassbender]. It was an enormous undertaking for him... I'd have to be a crazy person not to throw myself under a bus for that role!"
6:09pm
Aaron Sorkin is feeling the Steve Jobs love. "I couldn't be more excited. Michael and Kate were just a dream to work with, they're two of the best actors in the world... The honour is being nominated along with these other great screenplays."
So what's next for the wordplay king? "I've written a new movie and I'm going to be directing it actually... I'm adapting To Kill A Mockingbird for Broadway... I'm very excited, it's also very daunting. It's a novel that's revered and that we all love but I think it's going to be a great theatrical experience."
6:14pm
DiCapriklaxon.
6:16pm
Does Eddie Redmayne think he can do the double after last year's BAFTA win for The Theory Of Everything? "I doubt it very much, but I'm thrilled to be invited!... It all felt pretty new to me last year, but there's still an adrenaline buzz."
6:18pm
Rooney Mara has a lot of love for Carol director, Todd Haynes. "I think Todd did such an amazing job of capturing the essence of falling in love... I knew it was going to be beautiful, but I really was just blown away by how beautiful it was."
Unsurprisingly, Mara has no idea what her new Malick project is about because, duh, it's a Malick.
6:22pm
The Big Short director Adam McKay can't believe his luck. "This is crazy!... I read the book in one night and just couldn't put it down... We all know the first rule of filmschool is 'show, don't tell', but we all knew we had to break the fourth wall for this one."
6:26pm
Has The Revenant's Will Poulter recovered from last year's Rising Star win? "It is still very much like a nervous blur in my mind, but I remember it very fondly now."
He also spoke about his time on Iñárritu's gruelling shoot: "I think [I grew] a lot as a person... I feel like now I'm kind of ready for challenges I wasn't before."
6:28pm
THE TUCC! What are his thoughts on the importance of Spotlight? "[It's] a really important film and the more nominations it gets, the more people will see it... You want to be as truthful as possible to the story, to the characters. The more truthful you are, the better the film."
He's about to start shooting a new film with Geoffrey Rush tomorrow! Get some sleep, Stanley!
6:31pm
The Dris, Idris Elba, LOOFA. "I feel really good... It's Valentine's night, there's love in the air!"
On his BAFTA-nominated role in Beasts Of No Nation: "He's a bad guy but I needed to bring some sort of humanity to him... It's one of my proudest roles, for sure."
On his wonderful young co-star Abraham Attah's performance: "it's very pure, it's heartbreakingly pure... I was very nervous about how he was being psychologically affected... But he just took it on the chin... It's one of those horrible moments in our world when it was on the TV a lot and then this film brought it all back... the story feels like it's still relevant."
And any nuggets on that little film called Star Trek Beyond? "Who's in Star Trek?" he jokes, "I can't wait for people to see it."
6:38pm
Domhnall Gleeson is this year's crazy-super-nominee, with all four films he appeared in over the past twelve months (Brooklyn, Star Wars, The Revenant, Ex Machina) nominated tonight. So is he a lucky charm? "Yes, I've decided that's what I am, yes!... I'm very proud to be in any film of Alex's [Garland, director of Ex Machina] because I really feel for the work he does."
6:53pm
And now for the ceremony.
7pm
And here is your host, Stephen Fry! General references about how shiny and beautiful everyone looks. "Love abounds this year in film... In Matt Damon's case, love between man and potato."
"When my agent told me I was doing a bear scene with Leonardo DiCaprio, I did a cartwheel..." Not that kind of 'bare', Steve...
Fry is being lovely about each and every single person in the audience, or so it seems. He also references America's kiss-cam. Yes, we all know what's coming. Fry's annual thing starts with Fassbender and Vikander - awks. No cigar.
What about The Tucc and Cuba Gooding Jr.? They're game.
DiCaprio and Maggie Smith also share a wonderful smacker on the cheek. Could he be more wonderful?
Julianne Moore and Bryan Cranston are the big winners, though.
Until Eddie Izzard and Rebel Wilson go full method, however. We think that one will make the show tonight. If not, you seriously missed out.
7:08pm
Fry on Maggie Smith: "If she was any more of a national institution, she'd have railings around her." Smooth.
7:09pm
Time to look back at an astounding year in film. Everything from Cinderella to Amy, Room (STOP IT, JACOB TREMBLAY) to Jurassic World gets their moment to shine here. Oh look, it's the Rufflehulk!
Well done, BAFTA, for setting this to David Bowie. Heroes is, of course, the only option for tonight.
It's a year of stunts, by the looks of it - The Martian, Bridge Of Spies, Furious 7, The Revenant. Shame Maggie Smith didn't do any skydiving. Next year?
7:13pm
Time for our first award! Kate Winslet adopts a glorious pair of glasses. Her and Idris Elba are first up on presenting duties. And Outstanding British Film goes to Brooklyn.
7:20pm
Best Make Up & Hair is awarded to Mad Max: Fury Road - "this is yours, George."
7:22pm
And, as expected, (the absent) Emmanuel 'Chivo' Lubezki takes Best Cinematography for The Revenant.
7:26pm
Best Documentary is one hell of a category this year. (And includes the first bit of Ludovico Einaudi we've heard tonight. We're sure there will be lots more of him...)
Amy takes it, as expected, and thoroughly deserved. Director Asif Kapadia thanks all those who "trusted him to make the story... Our main ambition was to show the world how beautiful and amazing she was before it all got out of control and went a bit crazy."
7:29pm
Best Original Music time! The Hateful Eight's Ennio Morricone is the winner! He's conducting in Ireland tonight, so not there in person, but a lovely speech is delivered from presenter Adewale Akinnuoye-Adbaje on his behalf.
7:31pm
Gemma Chan and Blake Harrison are here to present the Best Short categories.
Best British Short goes to Operator.
Best British Short Animation is awarded to Edmond (but we desperately need to see Manoman after that clip - you'll see!).
7:37pm
Colin Morgan is here to present Best Editing along with Ex Machina's Sonoya Mizuno. We love your Northern Irish twang, Col. Use it more often, please. This is another fantastic category. The winner? Mad Max: Fury Road. HELLO TECHNICAL CATEGORY DOMINATION.
"This film was an editor's dream job..." Ladies and gentlemen, George Miller's wife, the awesome Margaret Sixel.
7:41pm
Now for Best Sound. Which goes to The Revenant. I spoke too soon about that Mad Max technical sweep, apparently...
7:44pm
Shoutout from Stephen Fry to the BAFTAs' designer, Peter Bingham. That set is looking pretty brilliant, let's be honest.
7:45pm
The internet implodes as Emilia Clarke and Matt Smith take the stage. They are here to announce the winner of Special Visual Effects (which is a category title that is a tad confusing...). And the award goes to Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Something something special, something something visual effects.
BAFTA really weren't all that hot on Fury Road, were they. Oh well, only two weeks until that all (hopefully) changes at the Oscars.
7:49pm
Well, British public, did you make the right choice? It's now time for the EE Rising Star Award. And here to present is last year's winner Jack 'it's special because it's blue' O'Connell.
Is it John Boyega? Of course it's John Boyega. Any other year, Taron, any other year. Massive cheers in the audience. Matt Damon is looking oddly paternal and proud about this win!
Boyega thanks God first and foremost. He is very calm outwardly, but says this is "a fluke"! He is sharing this award "with all the young dreamers who are determined, hard-working and, quite frankly, amazing".
7:54pm
Rebel Wilson: "I've never been to the Oscars, because as you know they are racist. But BAFTA have diverse members and that's what we all want to see in life, isn't it - diverse members. One day I hope to return here to win a BAFTA myself. I have already been practicing my transgendered face. Sorry, Idris Elba... You're making me a bit nervous. But I'm just psychologically programmed to want chocolate on Valentine's Day."
Well, she just brought the house down. Goodness me... She's here, by the way, to announce Best Supporting Actor, "and console the four losers".
The winner is that very best of British stage actors, Mark Rylance for Bridge Of Spies. He is performing on Broadway, so Spielberg is reading a note. "My apologies as my theatre work means that I can't be with you..." Note talks about Rylance's love for lead actors - especially Tom Hanks - and how pleased he is to be recognised as a Supporting Actor, as they get so much wonderful work these days. Lovely.
8:01pm
And now for Animated Film. No prizes for guessing this one.
Shaun Th- no, we jest. Inside Out naturally takes it. Pete Docter is very happy about this. "For anyone out there who is struggling to figure things out in secondary school, it's ok to feel happy or angry or scared - sing, write, draw, the world will be a better place for it."
8:04pm
Eddie Redmayne is here to announce our Best Supporting Actress. He is a man Stephen Fry wishes were trapped in his basement, apparently. Oh my...
Kate Winslet continues to perplex on this front a tad, winning for her role in Steve Jobs. Rooney Mara's category fraud issue (blatantly a lead actress, not supporting) and Alicia not going up against her here for The Danish Girl but Ex Machina instead quite obviously sealed the deal.
"What an incredible year to be nominated... It has been an extraordinary year for women. I really am quite overwhelmed, actually."
8:09pm
Olga Kurylenko and the brilliant Riz Ahmed are here to announce the winner of Best Costume Design. Fittingly, Olga's dress is quite the showstopper.
It's Sandy Powell vs. Sandy Powell for this, surely, with her nominations for both Carol and Cinderella. And, erm, no, that's not to be this year! Jenny Beavan wins for Mad Max: Fury Road. And we're not going to argue with that. Sorry, S.
"Oh, what a lovely day!" It's a good night to be Jenny Beavan. "I can't thank [George Miller] enough for this." And there he is, Master of Valhalla, sitting down in the audience positively beaming.
8:15pm
Empire favourite Will Poulter hits the stage with Dakota Johnson to announce Outstanding Debut. She's wearing tweed underwear, he, Rebel Wilson's - hopefully this will make sense to you during the broadcast later.
Thought this might happen... Alex Garland doesn't take what many people assumed was surely his for Ex Machina. The winner is Naji Abu Nowar and Rupert Lloyd for Theeb. And they are rather flabbergasted, to put it lightly.
8:19pm
In memoriam.
Beautiful touch including Philip French and Penelope Houston. Opening with Alan Rickman and closing with Christopher Lee, two of the very best cinematic voices that ever graced our screens. And now to wipe our eyes...
8:23pm
Best Adapted Screenplay goes to The Big Short. Never in doubt. Adam McKay is loving the view from the stage up to the Gods. "We thank you all for nominating us and giving us this award."
8:27pm
"Hoot, holla and hiccup for Cate Blanchett." Oh we will Stephen, we will. Honestly, her dress is so dazzling it might just put us into a sartorial trance. She is here to hand out the Outstanding British Contribution to Cinema.
This year it is going to Angels The Costumiers who provide bespoke costumes. Gandhi, Shakespeare In Love, Alice In Wonderland, Suffragette, Star Wars, Zulu, Indiana Jones... That's just a taste of what they have provided for.
Their chairman Tim Angel, OBE accepts the award. "Thank you BAFTA for such a wonderful 175th birthday present."
8:35pm
Cuba Gooding, Jr. Hello. Annnd he's just handed Fry a rose. Because he can. So anyway, Best Original Screenplay.
Spotlight, of course. That's one step closer to the Oscar for Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer. Singer is at home with his pregnant wife. Selfish... But McCarthy is here, though apparently never received his BAFTA plaque for The Station Agent!
There's a lot of Valentine talk tonight - lots of lovely declarations of love to husbands and wives. Bless.
8:41pm
Carrie Fisher! But no Gary! But she does have a Domhnall Gleeson. (True Detective Season 3, anyone?) They're here to award the Best Film Not In The English Language.
And the winner is Wild Tales! If you haven't seen it, make it a priority. It is gloriously hilarious. (And dark. Super-dark.) Director Damián Szifron can't believe he got handed an award from Princess Leia...
8:47pm
"First rule of Riot Club is you go on to ruin the country - run the country!" Oh Stephen, you joker... Douglas Booth and Max Irons make us mere mortals feel completely inadequate as they announce the nominees for Best Production Design. (And yes, Booth totally mentioned the pig.)
Mad Max: Fury Road takes this one - which means I take back my little BAFTA dig earlier. They obviously liked it a little bit more than I thought... Sort of.
Colin Gibson praises the film's "all-singing, all-dancing" stunt team and Charlize Theron "sitting in used cars" for allowing him to be up on that stage.
8:51pm
And now time for a real, actual, living hero: Sidney Poitier.
Oprah, Lulu and Noel Clarke pay homage to the Oscar winner in the VT for the BAFTA Fellowship that he is receiving tonight.
Unfortunately he cannot be there in person due to ill health. Jamie Foxx and daughter Sydney Poitier are handing it to him at his house. "I am completely honoured and excited to be able to hand him this award," says Jamie.
Sidney Poitier: "I'm sorry I am unable to be there with you... I hold a very special place in my heart for your great city. I've been honoured by Her Royal Highness The Queen and have had the privilege of being honoured by BAFTA on a few occasions. But today my cup runneth over... To the wonderfully talented and courageous filmmakers I have worked with through the years, I thank you for being a part of bringing me to this moment... And to all of you, thank you for your warm embrace and to this extraordinary moment and memory I shall cherish always."
SPEECH OF THE NIGHT.
9:02pm
Best Director time. Which means it's time to get a little nervous. Is Iñárritu really going to do it?
Err, yes. He did.
"It's a true honour to receive this... Leo, your work, your talent, your commitment every day kept this film breathing... without you it would not be possible. I would not be here without the work of the crew all around the world... trying to tell this tender and human story... I would like to give thanks to all the Native American cast that allowed us to shoot there."
He still can't pronounce Domhnall's name. But as he said, it's impossible, "just like Iñárritu is impossible to Americans."
9:07pm
"BAFTA makes sure that at least one of the nominees for Best Actress is a Dame... And the nominees for Best White Actress are..." Sacha Baron Cohen, ladies and gents, commenting on how the BAFTAs aren't racist.
And the award for Best Actress of course goes to Brie Larson for Room. She's filming Skull Island, so director Lenny Abrahamson is there to collect the award. "Yes, Brie is wrestling a large gorilla in Australia... I think she's one of the best actors of her generation." Big love for Jacob Tremblay up there, too.
9:12pm
Julianne Moore has laryngitis, but she's here anyway, yay! She's here to hand over the Leonardo DiCaprio Award to Leonardo DiCaprio for being Leonardo DiCaprio. Or is she...?
Yes, Leo takes Best Actor for his role as Hugh Glass in The Revenant. Guys, he's going to win an Oscar, HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO WIN AN OSCAR. Big, big cheers in the Royal Opera House.
"I want to thank one particualr British actor, that was my partner in this process, Mr. Tom Hardy. I want to thank you for your fierce loyalty, not only as a collaborator, but also as a friend - I could not have done this without you."
It's his mum's birthday, and boy has he given her a perfect present.
9:18pm
The Tropic Thunder music plays Tom Cruise on stage to present Best Film. Unfortunately there is no dancing. Is The Revenant about to do what looked rather impossible only a few weeks ago?
The Revenant is indeed BAFTA's Best Film. The director is very emotional as the second anniversay of his father's death is coming up and he believes he played a big hand in making this happen tonight. "A joke, a dance!" Iñárritu wants his team to talk instead of him.
9:24pm
Fry wraps up: "Woody Allen said, 'I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying'... Maybe it should be a consolation that film endures where we don't... film is forever."
Well, thank you for joining us tonight. This is where we leave you for another year. We're off to join Stephen Fry who will be "eating and drinking like a wild revelling warthog who knows no shame or table manners... see you at the trough".